


Sex Pollen Totally Doesn't Exist

by astartelydianna



Series: Designated Consent Smut Series [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dubious Consent, F/M, Sex Pollen, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 14:48:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4791317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astartelydianna/pseuds/astartelydianna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Darcy fills in her paperwork she lists Bruce Banner on her consent form in the event that she is unable to give consent but that's fine because Sex Pollen totally doesn't exist both Tony and Bruce said so...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex Pollen Totally Doesn't Exist

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [7A WF 83429](https://archiveofourown.org/works/562412) by [victoria_p (musesfool)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/musesfool/pseuds/victoria_p). 



> So this was totally inspired by reading a Darcy/Steve fic on here called 7A WF 83429 where Darcy puts Captain America on her sex pollen form. So I thought I'd do a series of one-shots with various different Darcy centric pairings along the same lines. In this one Darcy puts Bruce down. Basically this is an excuse to write some smutiness. Sorry, not sorry.

As if the paperwork that she signed when first starting at the tower wasn't bad enough, the paperwork she had to sign after completing her three month trial was even greater. Between Stark Industries and the consulting and clearance forms for S.H.I.E.L.D. It took her most of the morning to do it all. It was pretty intrusive too, they wanted to know every detail about her life. It was creepy.

"You know this is totally creepy right? They want actual details of my sexual history and current contraceptive method." She frowned. 

"I asked about the history part when I did mine, it's mainly in case of risk of transmitted diseases or pregnancy, although they should rule nearly everything out with the blood tests. It also gives them a guideline on how often to require blood tests from you to minimise risk, for those in the field and things, not so relevant to someone like you I guess." Bruce explained. 

"In other words they're really nosey and want every single detail possible." She muttered. 

"That's intelligence Agencies for you, my theory is that they already know nearly everything and are testing to see if you're lying." Tony commented, entering the lab. "Not that I don't appreciate the female company and all but you're not scheduled as doing anything for us today, why are you here?"

"I need to get all this paperwork filled out and Jane kept interrupting me with science." She replied, freezing as she came to the next form. "Um...seriously?! In event of inability to give lawful consent to whom do I give prior consent? This is a joke right? I'm being punked?"

"That's what I said. I think I just put a list of physical features on mine..." Tony mused. "I wouldn't worry too much, I don't think a case of sex pollen has ever happened."

"That's not actually a thing." Bruce murmured with a smile. "The sex pollen I mean, there are chemicals that have strong aphrodisiac properties of course but I have to agree that I've never actually heard of a case in which that form was ever needed."

"What did you put on yours?" Darcy asked, grinning as Bruce looked a little uncomfortable.

"I'm pretty sure I enclosed a whole essay on why even attempting to sick any partner in a room with me when not in full control of my faculties was a bad idea." He replied, turning back to his work.

"He doesn't let little Hulk out to play." Tony stage whispered to her.

"I heard that." Bruce muttered.

"No way, like ever?" She blurted in disbelieve.

"I think his self control is good enough for it but he disagrees. I set him up with this gorgeous leggy blonde and he refused to even kiss the poor woman goodnight." Tony explained. 

"I am actually here, Tony!" Bruce snapped.

"Whoa, OK Doc," Darcy spoke, standing and covering Tony's mouth with her hand before he could say anything else. "One question and then I'll shut up and pretend I didn't hear any of this."

"Fine." He sighed, turning and gesturing for her to ask.

"Can you or can you not physically have sex without Hulking out?" She asked. 

"In theory, yes. I lose control when I experience large increases in negative emotions such as anger, pain and fear. If I'm in control then, yes but it isn't worth the risk." He explained.

"Alright, Tony stop being mean, when someone goes without jollies for that long, teasing them about it is just plain rotten." Darcy left no room for the billionaire to argue, using her best Pepper impression. Then she sat down and calmly wrote the words Bruce Banner on her form. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Tony's mouth open and quickly elbowed him in the ribs to stop him saying anything. 

The way Darcy figured it, that form was either a joke or an extremely unlikely scenario. It would never happen. If it did happen then anyone other than the name on her form was raping her if she wasn't of sound enough mind to consent. So if by some million to one chance, she got dosed with sex pollen or whatever it was that did or did not exist, one of two things would happen. Either Bruce would refuse and therefore no one could have sex with her except her good old fingers, which seemed like the least embarrassing option or Bruce would actually break his celibacy after years of going without and she was totally OK with doing that for him. Someone as sweet as him deserved it and he wasn't exactly bad looking in the adorable dorky way, despite the slight grey patches at his temples. Still, like both Tony and Bruce said, it'd never happen.

~*~*~*~

So obviously when the labs suddenly went on lockdown due to a detection of airborne toxin, Darcy didn't even consider sex gas. It took an hour for them to filter and OK the air, so that they could unseal the individual labs for at least that floor. 

By that time Darcy was aching everywhere. She was hot and everything hurt in a strange cramping, painful way. 

"Alright, we've had preliminary results back on the toxin released. It appears to have several affects,"

"No kidding!" She snapped at the Agent whose name she hadn't paid any attention to. It was getting pretty hard to concentrate on anything except how uncomfortable she was. Her breast hurt, they felt even worse than they did just before her period.

"We are in the process of relocating all affected personnel to secure areas downstairs. Before you go, someone will explain again, what we are explaining now. You will also be handed it in writing, as it will be difficult for you to focus." He explained calmly. 

Darcy listened but wasn't really sure she heard much beyond the fact that the biggest symptom was acute sexual arousal. 

Tony entered the room, dressed in a biohazard suit and gestured to both Jane and her.

"These two have rooms waiting." He said.

"I'll have to confirm that." The Agent told him.

"It's on their forms." Tony nodded. "Bet you're rethinking that paperwork now Lewis." He smirked as he left.

Paperwork. Darcy realised that she should be remembering something important to do with paperwork.

"Why would we have rooms elsewhere, where is everyone else going?" Darcy asked.

"Well, I stay here a lot when Thor is here, right now I can't wait to get to any room with Thor in it." Jane shrugged.

"I just want to go home to my magic wand until this...whatever goes away." She groaned. "This is so embarrassing."

When two Agents one male and one female escorted her down to the private living quarters section of the tower, Darcy started to realise she needed to remember whatever it was she was forgetting. Form. Tony. This wasn't Tony's floor...in fact this was a floor she had never been on. It was big and open. Then she saw the sign that said "CAUTION HULK SMASHING!" that Tony had got Bruce for a joke present. There was also one in Bruce's lab and she recalled Bruce getting Tony a joke sign too that said "BEWARE TONY STARK, IT BITES". What was she thinking before that? Oh right, Hulk sign. Shit.  
Immediately she remembered putting the name Bruce Banner on a form. Shit. Way to ruin her easy friendship with the guy.

"Yeah, how about we skip this and you guys can let me go home?" She suggested.

"I'm afraid we cannot allow you to leave the building Miss Lewis." The man said. 

Whatever embarrassment she had felt before was nothing to what she would feel in a moment. The female Agent helped her when she stumbled and the next thing Darcy knew she was grabbing at the woman. 

Despite the fact the Agent was wearing gloves, contact to her skin felt good. It felt like relief. She grabbed at her, hugging the woman to her front. 

"Oh God that feels good." She groaned. She protested loudly as the male Agent pried her grip off of the woman and both Agents backed away.

"Miss Lewis, in your condition you are unable to give coherent lawful consent, subject to the regulations on your paperwork for such an event a partner with prior consent is being sent to you." The male told her.

"Yeah, something tells me he's not going to be up for it." She cringed. "You could just take me up another floor and drop me off with Jane, she'd share Thor with me in this case. She'd be totally understanding."

"We can't do that Miss Lewis, you wouldn't be so quick to say that if you were of sound mind. Anyone not given prior consent by you on your form would be taking advantage in the eyes of the law and could be charged with rape." The Agent spoke again as they backed away even further. "You will be confined to this floor until you have been cleared by medical as sound of mind."

"No, no, no!" She cried out. "You can't leave me! Bruce doesn't do sex, with anyone! He won't come, someone else has to help me! I need someone, please!"

She darted to the elevator doors as they slid shut and dropped to the floor. 

She pretty much stayed on the floor trying to hug herself as tightly as possible for a good twenty minutes. Bruce Banner was not going to break his self imposed sex ban for her. She suddenly felt the urge to cry in desperation. Instead she took a deep breath and dragged herself to her feet before heading further into the living quarters she had been left in. If she had been a little more herself she would've felt like she was intruding by wandering around Bruce's home. It didn't take her long to find the bathroom. She tore at her clothes, yanking her sweater over her head before the vest top followed. A shower was what she needed, a shower to make her feel more refreshed and maybe a showerhead to help ease this ache. She couldn't help but rub her legs together at the thought. The cramping eased the moment she did. Unfortunately when she stopped to try and unfasten her jeans it came back worse and she found herself hurtling to the tile floor as her legs refused to support her.

"Whoa there, careful." A voice came from behind her. She couldn't turn to them, everything just plain hurt. Hands reached out for her, helping her to sit up. Bare hands.

"You're not wearing a suit." She said aloud.

"No, there um...they completed tests, it isn't contagious." He said. Her eyes widened, Bruce.

"I'm sorry." She cringed.

"Don't worry about that now, this isn't your fault." He reassured her. "What were you trying to do?"

"Get better acquainted with the showerhead." She admitted. "I didn't mean to say that aloud. I was going to say I wanted a shower. You know what? Right now I'm going to blame anything I say on sex pollen and not care about it."

"It wasn't pollen." He said. "It was a combination of...nevermind."

"Good choice." She groaned. "Please tell me that you're either here to help me or that you can at least help me get naked."

"Let's get you off the floor." He said looking uncomfortable. She was about to protest that she didn't want his hands to let go of her shoulders but her words got lost when he simply lifted her into his arms and carried her. 

"God, it feels so much better when someone I touching me." She sighed, nuzzling into his shirt. 

"Did you pick me because you thought I wouldn't do it?" He asked.

"No, yes, both." She replied.

"That was illuminating." He murmured.

"No you don't get it, it was win win, if you didn't then it didn't have to choose anyone for embarrassing drugged up sex and if you did then I got to give you a present." She said shaking her head and then deciding the motion made her feel drunk.

"I nearly didn't come up here at all." He said. "I...might be able to help you but it's so dangerous, you should have put someone else."

"Then get me naked, I'll do it." She told him. "If I don't deal with this really really soon then I'm going to die or turn into a massive rage monster myself. I need someone to help me, please. It hurts, everything hurts Bruce."

"I know." He said, placing her carefully on the bed. He crouched down in front of where she sat and reached down to untie her shoes. She tensed and whimpered as a new wave of cramps hit when his hands left her. "I'm sorry, I'll be quick." He made quick work of tugging off her shoes and socks, the relief once his hands touch her bare feet was immense. Darcy found herself led back on the bed panting while the cramps faded. He left them there for a moment for her to catch her breath. "I'm going to have to let go again." He winced along with her as he quickly moved up to unfasten her black trousers and tug them down her legs. Once she was in her underwear he climbed onto the bed with her and hugged her whole body to him for a moment. 

"Why did someone do this?" She asked quietly.

"They were aiming for the next floor up. They were aiming for Tony." He said. "Some kind of one night stand revenge, don't worry about it right now."

"I'm not bringing his doughnuts for a week." She mumbled, her body practically bucking against him of its own accord. "Feels good." Her hands slipped their way under his shirt to feel skin on skin, she bit her lip and moaned as her fingers trailed through the hairs on his chest. She watched him as he appeared to have some sort of internal argument with himself only to give a mental cheer when he leaned over her and brought his mouth down over hers.

From then on Darcy was lost in a haze, all she cared about was keeping his lips on hers, his hands on her body and getting to as much of him as possible until she could get him inside her. She needed him inside her.

Bruce made several efforts to slow her down, or at least keep her relatively calmer. He pulled back far enough to unbutton his shirt. After which, Darcy made a mental note that Bruce was not adorable, he was actually rather manly and sexy under those rumpled clothes. With some slight lapses in pain when he moved around to removed his clothes they managed to get them both naked. 

Bruce hesitated once Darcy's underwear were off, he wondered to himself if it were something Darcy would actually want if she were not currently influenced by chemicals. Had she just put him down to try and avoid sex at all? No, he shook his head, she had at least considered that it might happen however unlikely. She knew he wouldn't have been willing to try under any other circumstances. Still he hesitated.

"Don't make me start begging Bruce because I will." She panted, as his mouth explored her neck. He lowered his hand and due to the excessive lubrication her body had provided he was able to slide two fingers straight into her heat. He found himself groaning just at the thought, it had been so long. His groan was inaudible though over the desperate noises coming from the woman beneath him.

"God you're beautiful." He told her quietly. It caught him by surprise how quickly she reached climax from just his hand, he shouldn't have been surprised given her state but he was. She body relaxed back into the bed while she caught her breath. 

"I still want..." She panted out. "Please."

"The questions about contraceptives make a bit more sense now." He mused, lowering himself fully over her and kissing her again.

"Bruce!" She practically growled. He clenched his fists into the sheets and took a few deep breaths. He needed not to be afraid. Deciding it would be best to just jump before he could over think it he mentally counted to three and pushed into her. 

The moment he found himself buried in her to the hilt he forgot how to breath. She writhed beneath him, unable to move a great deal, just enough to create a small rocking motion. He let out an unrestrained groan and began to move. 

It didn't take long, Darcy was mindlessly thrashing through her own orgasm beneath him, her inner muscles clenching rhythmically around him. He let go. He pounded into her, holding back nothing as he chased his own pleasure which came moments later. 

Darcy finally felt the fogginess and pain receding from her. Gone, chased away by the waves of ecstasy that reached her toes. She opened her eyes to find a dark messy haired man above her, leaning up on toned, muscular arms, his eyes dark, his breath as rugged as hers. How had she ever thought of her friend Bruce as just adorkable? How had she missed this? He was hot! She let her gaze trail down his toned chest, littered with dark hair, she couldn't see any further down but...he was hiding an insane amount of hotness under his clothes.

"Hey," he said softly. "Are you OK?"

"OK?" She grinned. "Yeah, I'm very OK."

He lifted himself up and off of her, before dropping beside her on the bed and running a hand into his hair.

"I'm sorry." He told her. "That this happened to you, that you had to...what are you laughing at?"

"Just thinking that I never would have noticed beyond the adorableness if it weren't for sex pollen." She grinned. 

"It wasn't sex pollen it was- wait, what?" He blinked, leaning up to look closer at her.

"You," she told him, her finger teaching out to point at his chest, trailing down to examine the toned planes of his stomach. "There was me thinking you were just my cute, sweet and funny friend Bruce, all dorky with his science and stuff and here you are all hot and way hot under that lab coat."

"Hot? Cute?" He asked, he looked thoughtful for a minute and a bit embarrassed before flopping onto his back again. "Huh."

"Huh? That's all you've got to say is huh?" 

"No, it's just...I don't think I've ever been called hot before." He mused. "No, definitely never happened." She nudged him when she heard the smile in his voice.

"Well, deal with it, you're hot." She told him. "Ouch, I ache everywhere."

"After the cramping in your muscles that's not surprising." He nodded. "Jarvis, status report on the others please?"

"Results are varied Dr Banner but all patients show a significant drop in symptoms after intercourse. A blood sample would tell us more about Miss Lewis' current status if you would like me to alert the medical team."

"No, thank you Jarvis. Just tell them I'll send a sample down." He told the A.I.

"Yay, more needles." Darcy huffed. He rolled onto his side and ran a hand across her arm. "This isn't as weird as I would have thought...you're not even freaking out. Why aren't you freaking out?"

"Oh I did a lot of freaking out in the hour from when Tony first told me about the form until I got on the elevator." He replied. "Turns out the other guy isn't really a problem when it comes to this, well, no more than any other time any way."

"Which is awesome." She agreed. "Because I'm not squished, which means we can totally do that again." She paused and bit her lip nervously. "We can do that again right?"

"If there are residual effects then we may have no choice in that." 

"Wow, love the enthusiasm Doc." She muttered.

"Darcy, you're gorgeous, anyone would be a fool not to want you but you and I...you've got to know that that wouldn't be easy." He said, brushing her damp hair from her face as he looked down at her. "I'm a lot older than you, I practically live in my science bubble and there's the other guy."

She rolled her eyes and pulled his head down to kiss him.

"I'm not asking for a marriage proposal Bruce." She laughed as they parted. "I'm asking to see if maybe my rather adorable and sexy friend would like to see if we could be more than friends. That's it. One day at a time, you know? See what happens?"

He hummed against her lips in another kiss before pulling back and sitting up.

"In which case, I should get a sample of your blood to medical. The sooner we get out of here, the sooner I can take you out to dinner." He said decisively. 

"Food!" Darcy cheered as he got out of bed, completely unphazed by his nudity as he pulled a clean pair of boxes from his draws and left the room. She sat up when he returned moments later with a medical kit and pouted at him. "If I'm going to let you stab me with a needle then you have to promise me ice cream." 

"Done." He agreed, taking her arm in his hands.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcome, please go easy on me I haven't attempted a smutty scene in years! The next of the series will be up soon wherein Darcy puts Iron Man on her form.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [There's A Form For Everything](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5250407) by [Mellifera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mellifera/pseuds/Mellifera)




End file.
